Funny Stuff
Alright, so maybe you think this stuff is lame, but we find them funny because we have no life and a good sense of humour. Chibi Tenshi has no idea as to where she got this load of junk from. Sorry if you think I ripped it off your site or something. Please tell her. This is not intended to offend anyone, and we apologize in advance if it does. Enjoy.
19 things to do in a public washroom
1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot! My glass eye!"
6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"
11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters."
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"
13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!"
14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
15. Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free."
20 things to do at a fast-food drive-thru
1. Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside.
2. Drive through backwards.
3. Belch your order.
4. After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to hear each other and, thus, each raises his/her volume.
5. Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac.
6. Walk through.
7. Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.
8. Repeat everything the order-taker says.
9. Attempt to take the order-takers order ("Hi, may I take your order?") before they get a chance to take yours.
10. Order confusing items, i.e., "Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and a small medium fries, please".
11. In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order, then slip out of line and watch the fun as the person behind you is handed 40 bags of food.
12. When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells.
13. Drive through with a carload of naked people.
14. Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.
15. Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.
16. Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice.
17. One word: Flatulence!
18. Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.
19. If you are a male, have a female friend place the order by speaking VERY seductively and suggestively into the speaker. When she finishes, have her hide and pull up to accept your order. See how many of the order-taker's fellow employees have been called over to the window to "check out the babe".
20. Change a flat tire in the drive-thru lane.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
George W. Bush: "We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here."
The Bible: "And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing."
Bill Clinton: "Did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?"
Colonel Sanders: "I missed one?"
Al Gore: "I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people."
Ralph Nader: "The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV."
Pat Buchanan: "It crossed the road to steal a job from a decent, hard-working American."
Rush Limbaugh: "I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross."
Martha Stewart: "No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information."
Jerry Falwell: "Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the 'other side." That's what they call it, the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.'"
Dr. Seuss: "Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road. But why it crossed, I've not been told!"
Ernest Hemingway: "To die. In the rain. Alone."
Martin Luther King, Jr.: "I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question."
Grandpa: "In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us."
Barbara Walters: "Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road."
John Lennon: "Imagine all the chickens crossing roads, in peace."
Aristotle: "It is the nature of chickens to cross the road."
Karl Marx: "It was an historical inevitability."
Saddam Hussein: "This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it."
Voltaire: "I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it."
Ronald Reagan: "What chicken?"
Captain Kirk: "To boldly go where no chicken has gone before."
Fox Mulder: "You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?"
Sigmund Freud: "The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity."
Bill Gates: "I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken."
Albert Einstein: "Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?"
Ralph Waldo Emerson: "The chicken did not cross the road; it transcended it."
L.A.P.D.: "Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out."
The chicken jokes are hightlights from Chicken Joke.